Curiouscat died yesterday and it didn’t even let me archive my page nor my friend’s page; ironic considering the notice telling me to.

Oh well, at least I have a few screenshots of my page and the memories, along with other stuff archived via screen recording. Maybe if it somehow came back I’ll try to archive it again. But as of now, I don’t really care that much due to my experience being pretty much bullying: hate mail, cishet Cassandra rule34 spam, anons defending people I don’t like and even making up stuff. Safe to say that I don’t feel bad for the website shutting down, and ironically the hate messages encouraged me to keep going in life.

Anyways, rest in pieces curiouscat, I will not miss your toxicity nor forget the things that happened.

So I'm gonna be yapping a bit about what's going on eventually and why I've been inactive. some of it is venting, BUT some of it positive and hopeful, because I'm in a mixed mood where I'm on edge towards my future, but also in a genuine good mood to attempt to talk about trying to improve myself, overcoming my art block again, and what I'll be doing I'm so sorry once again for being inactive, I've been dealing with irl stuff recently, but I'm trying to get back into being active.

I will still be making Zerty and Pico related content, maybe other stuff too that I haven’t touched in a while. I'm currently continuing work on a document I mentioned before about what my years from 2022 to now were like. I'm trying my best to describe past events, write info down properly, get screenshots, check what was archived, etc. Despite it being a callout towards a few people who were toxic to me, I will delve into my flaws that were my fault (repeatedly venting, ways I've talked and described things, how I act, etc)

When I return to art, receiving art criticism and advice to improve my drawing skills are one of the things I hope to accomplish. I would also like to be more active with my friends because I do genuinely appreciate them, I just need to try and not be inactive all the time.

I’ll talk about what’s been going on with me irl, then the other stuff. And sorry to anyone that I’ve made uncomfortable for venting a lot here.

Everyday I feel like I’m slowly becoming more misanthropic unironically, except that I already am misanthropic. 

Not as much as a psychopath, but I really hate certain humans and it keeps growing every year. I know not all humans are bad, but at the same time it’s always the toxic ones that are the loudest. 

I feel like free will is sometimes an illusion with stuff such as ‘being gay is not a choice’, ‘never asked to be born’, etc. everything is a repeat, when I think something will change for the better, it always goes back to status quo. It never ends, like my parents fighting almost every several weeks, my """brother""" never changing his entitled control freak behavior since 13, insufferable people leaving horrible comments to me almost daily, no one believing the things I went through even with proof, me thinking things will get better, etc etc.

Somewhere between 2024-2035 is genuinely what I believe to be my life expectancy. I can’t pretend, I know that I will commit suicide one day. Not now, but eventually in the future. I’m sorry but it’s true. I hate this world, I hate how worse it’s getting, I hate myself, I hate humanity’s horrid side that still lives on, I hate ClunkyDot and UncleRegz and my involvement with the pico fandom, I hate my previous toxic friends, I hate how my life is, I hate my voice my face my history, the hypocrites, etc. I refuse to use internet lingo and gen z terms to describe how I’m feeling, I’m done.

Despite the negative outlook, I still have plans for the future if I have the motivation: Finish and publicize the UncleRegz/ClunkyDot/Pico fandom callout, post Pico AU and Zerty AU content, start drawing more, stop being embarrassing online, continue dealing with detractors, contribute to donations, etc again.

But even then, me being positive is pointless. I’ll still continue to live one doing things to cope like drawing and playing games, but the reality lingers on.

TL;DR: I’m becoming too far gone with my will of living, but I still continue existing.

I’m thinking about doing art requests again due to being almost done with 12th grade and school in general. If any mutuals want me to draw a character, let me know before Friday

Anyone who knows what fnf Jeffy’s Endless Aethos is: please read the image below. I may still hate sml, but I genuinely liked the music, so it’s very disappointing to know who the actual creator could be

edit: it’s real. More context

Since I’m slowly becoming active again and I have 3 days of 12th grade high school before I "graduate" for good, I’ll be posting some art that I’ve managed to make but haven’t posted yet.

It’s some Pico stuff along with a late Easter drawing, but I’ll be posting some Zerty art again starting with Leader

Signed my death warrant again

This is probably gonna send more hate to me on CuriousCat just watch

Finally made something for Pico Day after missing out last year. This was entirely made on paintnet with a mouse cuz it was a bit easier.

Just encountered a Picandra fan who loves the coffin of Andy and leyley and incest (not surprised)

sustain