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CideOfSooS
Male, He/She/They
Nihilistic gay fag with ADHD that likes Pico AU stuff I make. low self esteem and gloomines still persists. bad opinions. I love drawing Zerty and Pico stuff mostly. Wish I were dead but I’m still here I guess

Age 19, Damien (male)

Half empty husk

Finished with school

Hell, eventually

Joined on 3/9/22

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the usual

Posted by CideOfSooS - August 10th, 2024


Everyday I feel like I’m slowly becoming more misanthropic unironically, except that I already am misanthropic. 

Not as much as a psychopath, but I really hate certain humans and it keeps growing every year. I know not all humans are bad, but at the same time it’s always the toxic ones that are the loudest. 


I feel like free will is sometimes an illusion with stuff such as ‘being gay is not a choice’, ‘never asked to be born’, etc. everything is a repeat, when I think something will change for the better, it always goes back to status quo. It never ends, like my parents fighting almost every several weeks, my """brother""" never changing his entitled control freak behavior since 13, insufferable people leaving horrible comments to me almost daily, no one believing the things I went through even with proof, me thinking things will get better, etc etc.


Somewhere between 2024-2035 is genuinely what I believe to be my life expectancy. I can’t pretend, I know that I will commit suicide one day. Not now, but eventually in the future. I’m sorry but it’s true. I hate this world, I hate how worse it’s getting, I hate myself, I hate humanity’s horrid side that still lives on, I hate ClunkyDot and UncleRegz and my involvement with the pico fandom, I hate my previous toxic friends, I hate how my life is, I hate my voice my face my history, the hypocrites, etc. I refuse to use internet lingo and gen z terms to describe how I’m feeling, I’m done.


Despite the negative outlook, I still have plans for the future if I have the motivation: Finish and publicize the UncleRegz/ClunkyDot/Pico fandom callout, post Pico AU and Zerty AU content, start drawing more, stop being embarrassing online, continue dealing with detractors, contribute to donations, etc again.


But even then, me being positive is pointless. I’ll still continue to live one doing things to cope like drawing and playing games, but the reality lingers on.


TL;DR: I’m becoming too far gone with my will of living, but I still continue existing.


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Comments

This is thebulbmin talking on an alt cause i am tired of seeing you on here can you just fuck off with this weirdo ass behavior against Tom Fulp cause i asked Tom Fulp shit for the wiki its his decision the guy is nice guy there is zero reasons to hate the guy he created the characters i give zero fucks about this racist school shooting cartoon game anymore targeting me by blocking me on every platform isn't helping your grand conquest against Tom Fulp and MindChamber cause you wanna jerk off the children's tylenol esque characters leave them the fuck alone
https://youtu.be/Vi6_QkXvpMY?feature=shared

What gave you the impression I despise Tom Fulp? I still like his Pico content, I just disagree with some of the newer changes that started in mid-2022. I have zero reasons to actually hate him because I don’t hate him.

Also, me blocking you isn’t me wanting Tom and MindChamber to be killed or something like that; you’re acting like I’m threatening their lives.

No, I will not be leaving Newgrounds. If I hated Tom Fulp with a burning passion, I wouldn’t have ever made an account here. You may try to force me to leave if you’re tired of me, but I’ll still be here no matter what. Thank you for the music link, I gave it a like.

lolwtf

Fandom drama is so stupid man

Yeah, you’re not wrong; it is stupid knowing where it started from.

Besides that I was mostly rambling and venting about struggles in my current life, but one of my problems is that I keep venting too much here even though I’m trying to stop; The whole thing’s a mess. I’m going to stop doing stuff like repeatedly venting cuz I just want to improve myself instead of whatever dumb things I keep saying. If this isn’t serious to you, that’s fine. Unlike me, you have a life and I’m glad you do. For me I am still stuck doing this crap.

I'm clearly looking at this as a bystander.
Bro you're 18. Your life's barely begun. I don't know you particularly well, but don't sell yourself so short. I was definitely in that same mindset after leaving highschool for what it's worth. Stepping into adulthood's definitely scary if you don't have a support system to back you up.
I agree that being positive is pointless, but try not to enter a headspace where you feel the need to bring other people down. My best advice is get well-acquainted with telling people who get on your nerves to fuck off. Do your own thing, and I'll think you'll find that life's worth holding out for longer than just the duration of your 20s.

Please don't kill yourself or I'll kill MYSELF and then my balls will be on your hands

okay mx. Gun. I don’t want to have neutered balls on my hands

@CideOfSooS In all seriousness though life is definitely worth holding onto, it probably won't get better instantaneously but it will get better, and I'm going to be completely honest and say that there is a chance of it getting worse before it gets better, I've felt that from personal experience, I don't know exactly what you've been through as I've only seen a couple posts by you but I've unironically been in a mental hospital for the last six months lmao (I'm sorry if that's over-sharing) and my life is seriously looking up (and I am a STALWART cynic), steadily though, it didn't happen immediately and it's probably going to be years before you're fully over all of your struggles, but it's going to get more bearable just around the corner, and you have at least two people that really care about you and want the best for you (Chdonga and I)