My parents told me about stuff regarding school and my life. People have given up on me and my grades are still low. School workers doubt I'll ever get a diploma, and I feel they're right. My dad told me multiple times to "buckle down" since I'm almost 18; I have to get a job and start paying for things. I also might potentially have to do summer school for the failed classes. I've always feel like I'd never achieve much in life. My parents say I'm smart, and yet I just lay in bed doing nothing or playing on the Xbox, I never do my schoolwork at home, and every time I try to be positive and motivated I always get let down. I'm destined to fail, even if I become happy and lively just like in early 2022. I'll never achieve anything. I have two options according to my parents however: graduate high school or take a job that involves getting extra help but not get a diploma. There's also a third option I still have thoughts about, and that's just killing myself so I'm not a burden. I'm in a endless loop of irony and contradictions, so of course I'm back relapsing into depression again. idk if i'll do third option again; all it does is traumatize people and make people think I'm "suicide baiting". I'm forced to live, and yet people don't want me to die. Maybe time will tell, and as always time will inevitably tell me I'm a failure. my ex friends were right about me. After all I'm just the non empathetic guy who gets pissy at anything I don't like. "soos soos look cassandra is feminine and inspired by a design you don't like you gonna complain??? gonna throw a fit again? big baby need a bottle??" "oh soos you better not suicide bait again lolz!!!!!" "soos stop fetisizing cassandra you're not doing it right he's male!!!!" "soos stop shipping cassandra with nene stop it stop it!!" "soos you're the next yanrinalla haha you're being compared to a problematic person" "you're a lolcow and everything you do is a joke like your art" "soos stop trying to improve we need to remind you about your mistakes again" I may have a poker face but I am literally losing my mind mentally. But at the same time, it's kinda funny